Worry is the Work of Pregnancy
Pam England wrote the words “Worry is the work of pregnancy” over 20 years ago, and that phrase has served as a balm to the hearts of so many parents since.
It is common for expecting parents to have fears and concerns about the many potential challenges that could arise in pregnancy, labor, birth, or postpartum. When parents express such concerns, responses tend to cluster at opposing poles: blanket reassurances that everything will be fine, and frightening stories of things that have happened to others. Neither are very helpful! What might happen if we instead shift into curiosity?
Exploring fears with curiosity can actually be helpful motivation to learn more about them and think about how we might move through feared situations if they were to arise. Here are three ways to use worry in pregnancy.
Sharing a worry or fear with a loved one or professional, and having it validated (not dismissed or explained away), helps us feel heard and seen. Sometimes just the act of sharing it can give relief. Deep, authentic validation builds rapport with our support team and loved ones, and paves the road for the vulnerable path of the childbearing journey.
Acknowledging a fear opens a door to curiosity. How did this fear arrive in my heart? What do I know about it? Is what I “know” true, or something I’ve made up, or an old story? When we are willing to examine our beliefs, judgments, and assumptions, and explore the possibility of unwished-for-events, we are more likely to remain present to ourselves and do what needs to be done, even if birth has taken a path that not what we envisioned or hoped for.
Moving from a place of curiosity rather than avoidance, we can use our imaginations to make plans. What would I need to do if this fear were to come true? It can be fruitful to approach this not from a place of “how can I control this fear” or “how can I make sure it doesn’t happen,” but rather, “what would I need to do or be or ask for it if it were to happen?”
Pregnancy is a time of entering into the unknown, so worry is not unreasonable or maladaptive – it makes sense! When we take time to support parents (and ourselves!) in exploring their worries and concerns with validation and curiosity, they can be better prepared to meet, and act on, whatever is needed in the moment.
Gain confidence in working with parents and fear:
